Counting to two for college students

KYLE SCHECK
PHOTOGRAPHER

MEGAN NEELEY
COPY EDITOR

4/1/2024

“One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish,” said the accredited Dr. Seuss, but is counting to two such an easy task for a college student?

It may seem quite clear to the average person that if you pick up one stick and reach for another you end up with two; that if you hold up one finger, preferably the index first, and then another – how about the middle to create that peace sign that hasn’t solved world peace but has ominously haunted students in their frightening pictures from the 2000s – you will then get two fingers standing up.

The same goes for many things you may find in a pair: one sock is useless without the second (one sock plus another is two socks), eyes (while arguably a pair is not needed, it would be much preferred to have both to get to two), even a pair of jeans (one leg is simply useless without the other, so you must have to count to two in order to not go pantless throughout your day). 

These are all fantastic ways to teach a college student that counting to two is an important and simple task, that ending in a pair is much more preferable than staying at that minimal, measly one. However, it seems to be a much more daunting task for a college student to go from one to two than it may seem.

Math is hard so allow a college student to start with the basic idea given to all: one, by definition, “is the lowest cardinal number; half of two,” so said the Oxford Language Dictionary, and so says most. Relatively speaking, doesn’t that mean one cannot be one without two because it is in its very own definition?

This is evidence that a college student cannot find their way to two – to that societal pairing, a loved one, a career– without first understanding the one – themselves, their identity, their merit. Nevertheless, this is just a silly article about counting to two: pick up one stick and then pick up another, college students, and there will be two sticks in your hands. 

But what if that second stick you picked up isn’t right? What if your whole degree is based on the stick you have to pick up and it doesn’t make you happy? What if the stick you pick up is a rather horrible stick and doesn’t fulfill your values? 

Well, this is where a college student must know their definition of “one,” of who they are, first and foremost, if not for any other reason than that you cannot reach two without knowing the definition of one. Are you catching on yet?

So perhaps it’s okay to only count to one, just this time. Use these years to find yourself, your one true identity, and try not to worry if you don’t make it to the addition of the two, to the completion of the pair. Take your time getting to two. Whatever “two” will come, even if it’s not for a college student to figure out.

The only time you should strive to understand how to count to two – other than on a math test – is when you are putting one foot in front of the other. Here’s how: count one foot, then take the other, count it as two and place it in front of the first.  

See? You have two feet, and as a college student, you just counted to two in the only way that is truly significant. Now, do it over and over and never stop moving. This “two,” your pair of feet, will get you where you need to go all on their own. Funny, isn’t it? This movement forward might even help with the aforementioned stick dilemma, and it can be done all by oneself.

But what is a journalist to say on this subject, anyways; it should be left to the mathematicians. Perhaps we could ask Dr. Fonely of the math department. In fact, it’s just an April Fools joke, anyhow. Children can do it, Dr. Seuss can do it, so of course most college students should be able to count to two… it is just one plus one equals two, isn’t it?

Happy April Fools’ Day!