Weekly Horoscopes 3/29/21

KATE WESTPHAL
COPY EDITOR

What the Signs Need to Hear about their Bad Habits

Aries: Chewing with your mouth open is honestly one of the most disgusting things you could do, and I’ve seen you do a lot. Be respectful of others around you and close your mouth.

Taurus: If you continue to eat your roommate’s food, you’ll soon find yourself living alone. Mind their boundaries and get your own snacks.

Gemini: Put your dirty clothes away. They’re gross. It doesn’t matter where as long as they’re not on the floor or your chair anymore.

Cancer: Please do us all a favor and throw out the spoiled food sitting in your fridge. It’s for the greater good.

Leo: Those dirty dishes won’t wash themselves! You’re not better than the rest of us by refusing to look at the cups piling up in the sink.

Virgo: You may think you have everything in order, but you’re neglecting to sleep enough. If you’re routinely sleep-deprived, aspects of your life will start to crumble.

Libra: You may strive for balance, but you won’t find that while biting your nails. Consider choosing another hobby to replace gnawing on your fingertips.

Scorpio: You may think you’re too busy to take the trash out, but that’s not true. Humble yourself and take responsibility for your living space.

Sagittarius: Consistently showing up late doesn’t make you look cool. Instead, it makes you look dismissive of others’ time.

Capricorn: You make yourself forgettable by slouching all the time. Stand up straight, and maybe someone will finally remember you.

Aquarius: When was the last time you vacuumed your rug? I can tell it’s been a while. You should go do that.

Pisces: Procrastination master! Living in your daydream may sound fun, but too much so encroaches on real life and will leave you behind.

Weekly Horoscopes 3/15/21

KATE WESTPHAL
COPY EDITOR

The Signs as Discontinued Fast Food Items

Aries: Little Caesar’s Pepperoni Crazy Bread. An appetizer, you often hold out for the next best thing to come along. Realize that sometimes nothing appears and you need to make do with what you have.

Taurus: Pizza Hut’s Taco Pizza. Combining two favorites may sound delectable, but you must recognize whether the outcome is something you truly desire. Taking time to reflect is always a good idea.

Gemini: Dairy Queen’s MySTIRy Misty. Just like this slushy, you too change yourself to fit the situation at hand, whether that benefits others or not. Be cautious as to how you present yourself.

Cancer: Arby’s Sourdough Melts. A solid choice, but one that may not appeal to everyone. There is no denying that you have desirable qualities, just focus on making yourself attractive to a wider audience.

Leo: Sonic’s French Toaster Breakfast Sandwich. A gluttonous choice is a foolhardy choice, whether that becomes apparent now or in the future. You have several good aspects but need to recognize when each part should be emphasized.

Virgo: KFC’s Chicken Littles. Simplicity rules your desires, and you aim for minimalism whenever possible. While not entirely wrong, there is more to life than just the simple things.

Libra: McDonald’s McSalad Shakers. You think shaking a salad in a cup is a way to add fun to your day. Please do more things that add joy to your life.

Scorpio: Taco Bell’s Spicy Chicken Burrito. Spicy, hot and addictive become a dangerous when combined. It is said that if the work is put in, you can still be enjoyed.

Sagittarius: Wendy’s Coffee Toffee Twisted Frosty. Popular but short-lived, this item describes you in more ways than one. Look inward and analyze how you can increase your social longevity.

Capricorn: Whataburger’s Steak Fajitas. A basic choice, but one that will consistently be there for you. While not picked often, believe that you will still be chosen.

Aquarius: Jack in the Box’s Cheesy Macaroni Bites. It’s a mystery why you aren’t kept around more often. You have all the qualities of a keepsake, but something is off that restricts you from becoming a longstanding figure.

Pisces: Burger King’s Cini-Minis. A perfect appetizer for a short time, but too much will leave you feeling bloated and sick. Understand when restraint is needed.

Weekly Horoscopes 3/2/21

The Signs as Books from High School English Class

Aries: The Crucible by Arthur Miller. Your short temper can quickly snowball and lead into false accusations. Be able to take a step back and look at multiple perspectives before speaking.

Taurus: Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck. You may like to be by yourself, but loneliness can come if you don’t reach out to others. Interaction is a vital part of maintaining happiness.

Gemini: Lord of the Flies by William Golding. Who you are perceived to be and who you truly are don’t align at times. Focus on acknowledging the truest aspects of yourself and bring them into reality.

Cancer: Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare. You can be swept up in your emotions but be careful to acknowledge the long-lasting risks of your actions. Sometimes what you see isn’t the truth.

Leo: Brave New World by Aldous Huxley. Valuing individuality is important, but too much so can lead others in believing you’re self-centered. Accept that you can be yourself while allowing others to shine as well.

Virgo: The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger. You tend to be overly critical of others, but we all contain flaws. Look within yourself and recognize which ones are not worth obsessing about.

Libra: To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. Removing yourself from situations allows for an outsider’s perspective. While detachment isn’t always best, utilize that power to maintain a stable playing field.

Scorpio: Dracula by Bram Stoker. You consider yourself a true friend, but your stubbornness can be a boon at times. You don’t always have to place yourself in harm’s way for others.

Sagittarius: Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. You resist conformity and control, and actively try to shape your world. These are admirable traits but there’s a limit to how much your world can be molded.

Capricorn: Night by Elie Wiesel. You might be overlooked sometimes, but not all foundations are meant to be noticed. Your innate sense of responsibility and strong discipline help alleviate other’s burdens.

Aquarius: Into the Wild by John Krakauer. You may struggle with your beliefs of how to be accepted, and how self-love can conflict with societal expectations. Have faith in yourself, as acceptance comes with time.

Pisces: Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe. Trusting too much will eventually lead to your demise. It’s okay to be cautious, as long as fear doesn’t overtake you and ruin potentially good outcomes.

Weekly Horoscopes 2/15/21

The Signs as Lines from Arabic Love Poems

Aries: “Through her, in a rush of musk and saffron, beauty falls into disarray.” – Ibn Al-Arabi

Taurus: “Because my love for you is higher than words, I have decided to fall silent.” – Nizar Qabbani

Gemini: “You departed from my sight and entered my thoughts, travelled from my eyes to my heart.” – Al-Abbas Ibn Al-Ahnaf

Cancer: “I would split open my heart with a knife, place you within and seal my wound, that you might dwell there and never inhabit another.” – Ibn Hazm

Leo: “I felt like kissing the swords because their glimmer reminded me of your smile.” – Antara

Virgo: “I memorized her in every alphabet and memorized my memories until they multiplied.” – Adonis

Libra: “Love rests on no foundation. It is an endless ocean, with no beginning or end.” – Rumi

Scorpio: “And if the devil was to ever see you, he’d kiss your eyes and repent.” – Farouq Jwaydeh

Sagittarius: “Your eyes are like palm-groves refreshed by dawn’s breath or terraces the moon leaves behind.” – Badr Shakir Al-Sayyab

Capricorn: “There is water in my eyes and fire in my heart. Do you want a drink? Or a spark?” – Al-Shareef Al-Radhiy

Aquarius: “My temptations in your eyes, and the cities of your grief.” – Ibrahaim el-Kahwaji

Pisces: “They asked ‘Do you love her to death?’ I said, ‘Speak of her over my grave and watch how she brings me back to life.’” – Mahmoud Darwish

Weekly Horoscope 2/1/21

KATE WESTPHAL
COPY EDITOR

What the Signs Need to Hear

Aries – You’re too petulant. At some point people will grow tired and stop coddling you.

Taurus – Your stubbornness will get you nowhere except backwards. You can’t sulk forever.

Gemini – Your impulsivity will lead you down many paths. Recognize which of those are worthwhile.

Cancer – Your pursuit of perfection is often in vain. Know when to give up.

Leo – You steamroll over others without a care and neglect other’s thoughts. Understand that not everyone shares your beliefs.

Virgo – Your love of approaching things from an analytical perspective will only take you so far. Not everything can be sorted into neat categories.

Libra – You strive for diplomacy, but understand that being non-confrontational results in no good compromise. Realize when you need to choose a side.

Scorpio – You pride yourself in being secretive, but you need to realize that comes at a cost. Not all secrets are worth holding onto.

Sagittarius – You are the cause of most the problems in your life. Try to be more introspective and maybe things will change.

Capricorn – People see you as forgettable for a reason. You need to stop hiding in the shadows or you’ll fade away.

Aquarius – You can’t repress your emotions for the rest of your life. At some point, they will implode and cause more destruction.

Pisces – You’re not always right. Accept your wrongdoings and stop pulling the wool over your eyes.

Horoscopes Week of March 23rd

EMMA WOOD
HOROSCOPES

Aries: You need to seek an outlet to feel in control as you begin to struggle with your conscience. Look for a project that you can distract yourself with, or friends that you can vent to.

Taurus: Don’t let the communication drop with people who reached out to specifically you. They want to reconnect for a reason. You clearly mean more to them than you think.

Gemini: Connecting to your friends through your passion is a very special moment of bonding. Let them see what makes you happy and the craft you have been practicing.

Cancer: A friend in need will require you to set some of your personal time aside in order to comfort them. Your time and patience will not go unnoticed, and they will be unbelievably grateful.

Leo: Remove your blinders as you have been extremely focused on one job or person. You’re cutting yourself out of all the potential possibilities that are in your blind spot.

Virgo: Have you considered that failure is very possible when trying to succeed. It’s something to keep in the back of your mind, but don’t let it control you living your life.

Libra: Look to understand the emotion behind everything can be your form of control. You’re giving a new meaning to the things around you based on your own terms.

Scorpio: Losing an opportunity does not mean it’s the end of the world. There is more out there waiting for you, you just need to go find it. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want.

Sagittarius: While you are usually someone that thrives in chaos, right now you need to find something stable to balance yourself. There’s enough chaos outside of your life, no need to make it personal.

Capricorn: When an opportunity for change is presented to you, take this as a sign that you should accept it. Whether it leads to success or not, it may result in some amazing memories.

Aquarius: You may find yourself struggling with who you are and how others perceive you. Now is the time to concentrate on spending time alone to rediscover yourself.

Pisces: If you have a haunting suspicion that you’ll be receiving some negative news from someone in your life, it’s best to face it head on. Don’t be afraid to be honest with your worries.

Horoscopes week of March 9th

EMMA WOOD

Aries: You may find yourself in a bit of a slump. The best way to cure this is surrounding yourself with the energies of your friends. It may seem like a distraction, but it can reset your mood.

Taurus: Taking a break from social media will feel like a long needed vacation. There’s no shame in stepping away to reflect on your life in the present and all the good that surrounds you.

Gemini: Do not overwork yourself until the sun comes. It will result in future exhaustion that could be detrimental to your work. Managing your time to take care of yourself is self-care.

Cancer: Overthinking future decisions that have no relevance to the now will be a waste of your energy. There are current issues that need your attention. Try to refocus your purpose.

Leo: You’re a success and not something that should be hidden. Take pride in what you’ve done, and celebrate your accomplishments. Don’t let your own self-consciousness stop you.

Virgo: There will be those that question your character and moral judgment. It may be easy to sit back and allow others to think what they want, but it will be beneficial to stand up for yourself.

Libra: Are you chasing after someone that is unworthy of your attention? Make sure to check your own worth and appreciate the person who you are. You are worth a lot more than you think.

Scorpio: You’re not aware of how important you are in other people’s lives. It’s hard to acknowledge and accept that you are cherished. Not everyone is out to get you.

Sagittarius: Introducing new people into your life can bring a brand-new joy you wouldn’t expect. It can be viewed as a fresh start and introduces new ideas you otherwise would not have thought of.

Capricorn: Falling behind on your work will lead to a case of burn out later on. Start preparing for future projects as soon as you can. Your future self will thank you.

Aquarius: Not everyone has the same thought process as you. You may have a more logic-based thinking, while someone else is more emotion driven. Try to understand where others come from.

Pisces: The stress in your life may begin to bring a bigger storm of chaos. In this time remember the end goal you must achieve. The stress of it all will be very worth it.

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