The U.P. goes its own way

LIATHANO RAMIREZ
GRAPHIC DESIGNER

BRONWYN MCALINDON
STAFF WRITER

4/1/2024

The Upper Peninsula has decided to secede from the Lower Peninsula in pursuit of becoming its own state. Over the past few weeks, deliberations have been held between both the Michigan and Federal governments because the citizens of the Upper Peninsula have petitioned to secede from the Lower Peninsula of the state. The Upper Peninsula has claimed that the Lower Peninsula “does not pass the vibe check.”

The Upper Peninsula has decided it has enough resources that it can create a successful economy without the help of the rest of the state based on the broad amount of resources that the land has become known for. These resources include the vast amount of forestry, iron, and copper that is available in the Upper Peninsula.  The Upper Peninsula also has a vast amount of tourism that boosts the economy including the Pictured Rocks, Whitefish Point and an assorted amount of lighthouses. With all of the resources available to the U.P., they have decided to say “UP” yours to the Lower Peninsula. 

Another reason that the Upper Peninsula has decided that it is time to split from the Lower Peninsula is the drastic age difference that is held between the two areas.  

“The secession might be a good thing from a geologist’s perspective.  The Upper Peninsula is way older than the Lower Peninsula by about two billion years! The Upper Peninsula just can’t relate to a state so young,” said Murray Borrello, a local geology professor and Upper Peninsula expert at Alma College.

For these reasons, the peninsula as a whole has decided to separate itself from its lower part. Many different opinions have been shared about the recent split of the state.  

“I grew up in the 1970s. I am of the perspective that everyone should get along… I say we sit down, maybe go to a dispensary and talk.  I think we may have something to share and something to learn,” said Borrello.  

Others feel that the split between the states will have a lot of consequences for the United States.  Some are even thinking about what it will do to the aesthetics of the nation’s most prized symbols due to the issues that the secession could cause logistically for the United States as a whole.

“It would be damned awkward to try to fit another star on the flag without it looking all wonky… I’m all about symmetry,” said Borrello.

There are also major risks for the Lower Peninsula as the separation of the state could cause discourse with other states.  

“[The separation could] probably [lead to] war with Ohio. Michigan gave up territorial claims on its southern border in 1836 in exchange for getting the U.P., so if the U.P. secedes, I think it opens that question up again,” said Kristin Olberston, Professor of History at Alma College. 

It also begs the question of politics, as there would be an addition of senators to the U.P. “Two senators, for starters, which means huge opportunities to throw a monkey wrench into the otherwise smoothly functioning US Congress,” said Olbertson. 

While the separation could cause some issues, many view the clear cultural differences between the North and South are too much to bear. The Upper Peninsula also has an official plan to change its first language from English to Canadian – eh? – which could create an even larger language barrier between the North and South. All in all, the secession will lead to big changes in Michigan.

Happy April Fools’ Day!