Weekly Horoscopes 3/29/21


What the Signs Need to Hear about their Bad Habits

Aries: Chewing with your mouth open is honestly one of the most disgusting things you could do, and I’ve seen you do a lot. Be respectful of others around you and close your mouth.

Taurus: If you continue to eat your roommate’s food, you’ll soon find yourself living alone. Mind their boundaries and get your own snacks.

Gemini: Put your dirty clothes away. They’re gross. It doesn’t matter where as long as they’re not on the floor or your chair anymore.

Cancer: Please do us all a favor and throw out the spoiled food sitting in your fridge. It’s for the greater good.

Leo: Those dirty dishes won’t wash themselves! You’re not better than the rest of us by refusing to look at the cups piling up in the sink.

Virgo: You may think you have everything in order, but you’re neglecting to sleep enough. If you’re routinely sleep-deprived, aspects of your life will start to crumble.

Libra: You may strive for balance, but you won’t find that while biting your nails. Consider choosing another hobby to replace gnawing on your fingertips.

Scorpio: You may think you’re too busy to take the trash out, but that’s not true. Humble yourself and take responsibility for your living space.

Sagittarius: Consistently showing up late doesn’t make you look cool. Instead, it makes you look dismissive of others’ time.

Capricorn: You make yourself forgettable by slouching all the time. Stand up straight, and maybe someone will finally remember you.

Aquarius: When was the last time you vacuumed your rug? I can tell it’s been a while. You should go do that.

Pisces: Procrastination master! Living in your daydream may sound fun, but too much so encroaches on real life and will leave you behind.

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